“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no-one thinks of changing himself” (Leo Tolstoy)

A few years ago, I felt I’d got to a point in my life I was unhappy with. I felt I was being overly negative about people and world in general because I felt my society or friend group demanded that of me, or rather I needed to act that way to fit in.

After a few comments from close friends, I came to realise what I was actually thinking and saying were two completely different things. My nature has never been one to see the negativeness in my life, in fact it is quite to opposite I tend to be the crazy optimist, the it’ll all be all right kind of character and I tend to see the best in people until they give me a reason not to.

Realigning those thoughts and my voice wasn’t as easy a solution as it sounds though and it is not an easy road to follow. Whilst I had been carrying out this behaviour, I drew into my life all these people who fed off it and came to expect it from me. Changing meant losing those friends because I no longer offered what they needed from me.

I tend to think we have people in our lives that we need. They draw off us and we draw off them and were stronger for having those people around. Obviously all relationships involve give and take and we tend to clump together with people who inspire us, provide us with honesty and provide the support we need in hard times.

Anyway, back to the story, I’d always felt uncomfortable about the negativeness and began to challenge that negativeness first in the people around me and hence as part of this process in myself. Along the way I lost a lot of friends who didn’t like what I was becoming but I felt much happier that my inner and outer voice were singing from the same hymn sheet. In fact new friends flocked to me, those people who valued the positiveness and my crazy optimism in their lives.

There is though I feel a bigger question here about change, how much can we actually change ourselves? I believe in some of the old adages, a leopard can’t change its spots and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There seems to me to be only so much of us we are able to change. Some of our actions and words are hardwired. For me what I was able to change was those things where my inner and outer voice were not in harmony and not aligned. For any change I think we must ask ourselves various questions such as, I am at ease with myself? can I live with my actions once I go home and I’m alone? what aftermath am I causing?

I believe in treading through this world gently, leaving my own footprint, making my mark and letting other people make theirs.

IJS 12/07/2014