These streets hold so many memories. Memories of partners past, happy times, sad times, indifferent times. It’s like I’m being haunted from afar. Forced to watch my life replay in my mind over and over again. Reminding me of what I’ve lost and what I’ll never have again.

My memory is a treasure as well as a curse. It recalls moments from history, that should be lost. It recalls hearing my mother singing ‘Video killed the Radio Star’, one of my only childhood memories really. But it also recalls evil words, arguments and things that I regret and I’d like to forget.

Its funny in spite of that, I’d hate to leave this city, the only place I’ve ever felt truly at home in my whole life. I’ve built myself a family here, a family of amazing friends who’ve supported me through the rough times and celebrated with me during my golden ages.

I feel old at times and weary. I already feel like I’ve lived so many lives but never quite attained the happiness I’m truly seeking. Or alternatively I find that happiness and let it slip through my fingers into the abyss, never to be seen again. Only to be enjoyed for a fleeting moment, and then have those memories haunt me reminding me of what life could have been.

The problem with us as humans beings seems to be we can never quite be happy or content with what we’ve got and I don’t even mean constantly happy, just happy for a minute or two in the moment. We’re always searching for the next thing, but much like Christmas presents as a child, the beauty is all in the anticipation not in the actual present itself. Once we attain it, we give ourselves very little time to enjoy it before we start all over again in search of the next thing that we think will make us happy.

IJS 13/08/2014