Category Archives: Thoughts

And so goodbye North Melbourne

‘The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence’ (unknown)

Tick…And so the clock ticks, and the hour hand moves and another chapter of my life begins. Today is the day I hand my keys for North Melbourne in, my final connection with the suburb I’ve lived in for over 2 and a half years.

Tock….North Melbourne has served me well, it’s seen me grow, it’s influenced me in many ways. I felt an intrinsic connection to it whilst I was there. I felt the most I’ve felt at home in any of the suburbs I lived so far. A suburb isn’t just a set of buildings though, it’s the people and the community.

Tick… North Melbourne is a curious mix of families, singles with a touch of hipster culture probably brought about by its funky coffee shops. Its close enough to the city to be able to walk in and in parts its almost suburban with its larger houses and parkland.

Tock….To feel connected to a place is a great feeling. I could walk around North Melbourne alone but still feel part of the larger community. I loved going to the gym there, because by the time I was leaving I would always know someone there and be on for a little chat.

Tick…I’ll miss the running tracks, my two main routes took me down the Maribyrnong towards either Yarraville/Anglers Tavern with my other route taking me in Royal Park and around the circuit at Princes Park. I’ll miss the Capital City Trail that took me into Fitzroy and Collingwood, I’ll miss being able to cycle to work all along cycle paths and not really having to hit a road at all. Finally I’ll miss the city, I deliberately used to get off my tram in the city and walk back to North Melbourne just to see the life and soul of Melbourne.

Tock..But saying all this, it’s my choice to move. It’s time.

We can only look forward as the clock keeps ticking.

IJS 20/11/2014

Our evolutionary journey

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” (Viktor E Frankl)

We’re all constantly evolving. We never truly stand still. We really are quite adaptable beings in so many ways. And we probably don’t celebrate our propensity for change enough. I think of myself maybe 10 years ago and think what the differences are over the years. To my mind, there are quite a few. Firstly I’m much more considered in my approach to things, I still have quite an impulsive character but I suppose I’ve learnt to control that a bit better than I ever could.

I used to have to be the one at the table making the most noise and in the limelight but the years have mellowed me on that score and now I’m more than happy to sit to side and listen to the conversation going back and forward and only interject when I actually have something interesting to say. Silence doesn’t bother me when I’m with people like it would have a few years ago, I came to the realisation that the people I’m truly close to, I feel very comfortable sitting there just saying nothing at times. I don’t need to fill the void to enjoy their company.

I’m certainly much less stuck in my ways and able to adapt to the world around me so much easier. Although I would admit I’m still a great admirer of routines and structuring time, I’m much more open to that structure being challenged and changed than I ever was and so much more open to the unexpected. That in a way is my acceptance of not being in control, and realising I can’t control the world and only letting things worry me that I can do something about.

Age gives you perspective, those things that we thought were massively important years ago, really aren’t at all. I used to get nervous before talking to rooms of people or sitting in meetings with people I deemed to be more important than myself, but I realise now, they are just people like me and is this really worth winding myself up for. I’ve learnt to be calm, and in what potentially is looking like a stressful situation, I’ve learnt to step back, look at it logically and concentrate on fixing what is wrong instead of stressing about the problem. To my mind the stressing just delays the solution and isn’t particularly helpful;.

Also most importantly and it’s still very much a work in progress, I’ve learnt (am learning) to live and enjoy the moment. Our minds can so often be thinking about the past and the future that we forget to appreciate those moments when our world is perfect, when everything around us aligns.

Evolution for me comes from our willingness to expose ourselves to situations which we aren’t truly comfortable in, because the more we do this, the more we learn that what scares us about these situations is irrational. I’m still very much work in progress though.

It’s important to evolve, to keep putting ourselves out there, to look back to see where we’ve come from and how far we’ve travelled. It’s quite a journey.

IJS 21/10/2014

What’s in a piece of music?

I don’t know why pieces of music come into my head and I can’t get them out. Maybe they are reminders of times gone by, or associations with various moods, people and events or maybe they are just what we need at that point in time.

Music is a tremendous mood altering experience. A piece of music can transform a quiet morning before work into a buzz that lasts throughout the day, with the piece playing on repeat all day in your head.

As a student at university I used music particularly before exams or when I wasn’t feeling particular confident about whatever I was doing (speeches, writing dissertations etc.) and it’s something I’ve carried into my later life to give me a certain buzz when I need a bit of a pick me up.

But what draws us to a piece of music? What makes us want to hear it at that point in time. Is it something like our craving for food? The knowledge or at least the thought that once we’ve eaten it that it satisfies us and makes us feel full.

Perhaps music brings us comfort through familiarity, there are many pieces I heard in my childhood that bring back certain memories, as I’ve mentioned a few times, ‘Video Killed the Radio star’ floods back the memories of my mum, because that is the first song I can truly remember hearing and her singing.

I do have a few songs in my head at the moment, they are:

New York State of Mind from the Shea Park concert with Billy Joel and Tony Bennett. You don’t need to hear another version of the song after hearing that one, its hair on the back of your neck standing up rendition. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xbd3C44fAHo

La Chaleur by Bertrand Belin, a French song which I do not even know the translation to but it just sounds so beautiful with such a haunting melodic quality to it. The title literally translates as ‘The Heat’. It feels like gentle waves rolling over you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcH38AwgWqY

Rent by the Pet Shop Boys, a song from my childhood. Just a nice upbeat track. Interestingly after doing a bit of research it’s a bit of a misconception that this one is about rent boys. Neil Tennant actually describes the song as about a heterosexual couple with the song coming from a wife who is singing to her husband. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d0GARTk_Nk

Video Killed the Radio Star by The Buggles, my earliest childhood memory really and I don’t have that many very early memories (that I can remember anyway). This song was the first music video ever shown on the music channel MTV back in 1981 at 12.01 am. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8r-tXRLazs

Music plays such a powerful part in our lives, probably so much more powerful than we actually imagine.

IJS 26/09/2014

Simple pleasures

“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us” (Ashley Montagu)

It’s funny when happiness comes to visit. This morning has been unbridled happiness for me, I feel that glow, that smile that comes to my lips, that serenity. Its got me to thinking why exactly am I feeling this. That is an interesting question in itself because do I really want to demystify the magic around the feeling, or in fact however hard I try, I am capable of doing that. In spite of that, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to replicate it.

First its important to look at my morning, what have I done, what are the triggers. I had a lovely evening the night before. I woke up at 7 am, I decided this was way too early for a weekend, and for once managed to tell myself to doze for an hour. It worked. I then got out of bed, pondering whether to go up to the market to get a coffee, decided against it and cooked myself two bacon sandwiches and made a cup of tea. I then decided to eat these sandwiches on my balcony, whilst checking out my plants. I’ve been wondering about some hops I planted about 6 weeks ago, I’ve seen something sprouting in the pot, but thought they were weeds. I decided to google what they should look like and hey presto, they are hops. I finished my tea and finished the chapter of my book i’d started reading last night whilst sitting outside.

I then decided I needed to enjoy the weather so I headed out to Yarraville on my bicycle. The route takes me along the Maribyrnong river. My purpose was to head to the home brew shop and pick up some supplies. Whilst there I met a friend who works there. I had a couple of samples of the beers on tap, then I cycled home.

In all this sounds a pretty mundane story, however there must be something there to make me feel so happy this morning.

I can break it down as follows, the first one it seems is creation. The hops I’d planted six weeks ago, I’d had little hope they would come up but today was the day I chose to see whether what I thought was a weed was a weed. It wasn’t. So the first part of this puzzle is creation, I love creating things. When i figured out they were hops, that gave me a buzz.

Secondly I think is sensory. This morning is beautiful, the sky is blue the sun is out. This prompted me to hop on my bike and head down to Yarraville. I didn’t particularly need anything I just felt like going to enjoy the weather. Is there a better feeling that the sun on you. The warmth on your body from its glow. Also for as long as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to water, it gives me a feeling of space of openness. The mixture of the sun and the water, are sensory treats to me. The glint of the sun on the water itself, truly is a beautiful sight. Its funny once you begin to see beauty around you, its a snowball effect, it opens your eyes to others things you’ve never seen before.

Thirdly, its exercise or travel. I can view travel or exercise as purely practical (this is how I view food sometimes), however this morning, instead of peddling hard to my destination, I sat back, and just enjoyed my sedentary pace. Loving the feeling of slowness, knowing I was heading somewhere but in no rush to get there.

Fourthly its friendship. I ran into a friend of mine at the shop I went to, although just a brief encounter and sharing only a few words it made me feel part of a society, a community of people. That’s all about inclusion and belonging.

Lastly I had a purpose. The purpose was to go the shop, and I have a greater purpose this weekend of things I’m doing with people who are important to me in my life. So as well as being happy in the moment, I’m also happily looking forward to the time ahead.

I’m not sure if that breaks down the magic because I’m really not sure I ever could. Enjoying that pure happiness in the moment, is an intense and wonderful feeling and one I’m learning to welcome in and savour so much more than I ever used to. Here’s to a beautiful weekend.

IJS 23/08/2014

Memories

These streets hold so many memories. Memories of partners past, happy times, sad times, indifferent times. It’s like I’m being haunted from afar. Forced to watch my life replay in my mind over and over again. Reminding me of what I’ve lost and what I’ll never have again.

My memory is a treasure as well as a curse. It recalls moments from history, that should be lost. It recalls hearing my mother singing ‘Video killed the Radio Star’, one of my only childhood memories really. But it also recalls evil words, arguments and things that I regret and I’d like to forget.

Its funny in spite of that, I’d hate to leave this city, the only place I’ve ever felt truly at home in my whole life. I’ve built myself a family here, a family of amazing friends who’ve supported me through the rough times and celebrated with me during my golden ages.

I feel old at times and weary. I already feel like I’ve lived so many lives but never quite attained the happiness I’m truly seeking. Or alternatively I find that happiness and let it slip through my fingers into the abyss, never to be seen again. Only to be enjoyed for a fleeting moment, and then have those memories haunt me reminding me of what life could have been.

The problem with us as humans beings seems to be we can never quite be happy or content with what we’ve got and I don’t even mean constantly happy, just happy for a minute or two in the moment. We’re always searching for the next thing, but much like Christmas presents as a child, the beauty is all in the anticipation not in the actual present itself. Once we attain it, we give ourselves very little time to enjoy it before we start all over again in search of the next thing that we think will make us happy.

IJS 13/08/2014

Out of the darkness and into the light

“Life is at its best when everything has fallen out of place, and you decide that you’re going to fight to get them right, not when everything is going your way and everyone is praising you” (Thisuri Wanniarachchi)

We all have our moments don’t we. Those times when we think the world is against when everything around us seems dark when we can’t see the wood for the trees. In a way though I believe our lives need these times, because they provide us with a perspective on how happy our other moments are.

In my experience people to a degree hide the way they feel to the outside world, I know there have been times when I’ve felt like an actor going through my normal day life, painting the smile on, saying the right things while everything inside me is crumbling.

What really provides us with character is not how we deal with the good times, those times when everything is sunny and beautiful around us but rather how we deal the bad times, how we lift ourselves when regardless of how much help and support our friends and family provide us, we just need to do it for ourselves.

My personal strategy in times like this has always been to do things I really enjoy (or at least used to enjoy before I got there). Secondly, to do things I think I’m relatively good at, running in this case is a great example. On top of the natural endorphins that are released from doing exercise, for me the sense of achievement and the clarity of thought I get from running has carried through some difficult times.

Everyone’s solution is different though, some people shout and scream because to them getting those feelings out and verbalising how they feel give them the relief they need. Its all about understanding your own personal strategy.

We need to take care of ourselves at times and for some people that can be very difficult when their natural position in life is to care for others. Then you must remember the first rule of first aid (that I was taught anyway) first aiders should look after themselves first. Primarily because without them there is no first aid! I suppose the larger point is, I’m sure all our friends and families would understand if for a few times in our life we are a little selfish, with the trade off being we’d be much better people to be around in the long term.

In a way this blog moves onto a theme I’ve carried through a few here. That is to understand ourselves, the more self aware we are the quicker we recover from our darker moments because we understand what we need at these times. Understanding and actions aren’t necessarily the same things though. In my case I’m a bad communicator at these times, I need to chat to the people who love me and let them know what is going on but I struggle with that very basic thing. I turn in on myself and reflect, because I realise the only person who is able to solve my situation is me. Once my head is around it, I float back to the surface again.

Understanding is the key.

Are we capable of change? Do we need to?

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no-one thinks of changing himself” (Leo Tolstoy)

A few years ago, I felt I’d got to a point in my life I was unhappy with. I felt I was being overly negative about people and world in general because I felt my society or friend group demanded that of me, or rather I needed to act that way to fit in.

After a few comments from close friends, I came to realise what I was actually thinking and saying were two completely different things. My nature has never been one to see the negativeness in my life, in fact it is quite to opposite I tend to be the crazy optimist, the it’ll all be all right kind of character and I tend to see the best in people until they give me a reason not to.

Realigning those thoughts and my voice wasn’t as easy a solution as it sounds though and it is not an easy road to follow. Whilst I had been carrying out this behaviour, I drew into my life all these people who fed off it and came to expect it from me. Changing meant losing those friends because I no longer offered what they needed from me.

I tend to think we have people in our lives that we need. They draw off us and we draw off them and were stronger for having those people around. Obviously all relationships involve give and take and we tend to clump together with people who inspire us, provide us with honesty and provide the support we need in hard times.

Anyway, back to the story, I’d always felt uncomfortable about the negativeness and began to challenge that negativeness first in the people around me and hence as part of this process in myself. Along the way I lost a lot of friends who didn’t like what I was becoming but I felt much happier that my inner and outer voice were singing from the same hymn sheet. In fact new friends flocked to me, those people who valued the positiveness and my crazy optimism in their lives.

There is though I feel a bigger question here about change, how much can we actually change ourselves? I believe in some of the old adages, a leopard can’t change its spots and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There seems to me to be only so much of us we are able to change. Some of our actions and words are hardwired. For me what I was able to change was those things where my inner and outer voice were not in harmony and not aligned. For any change I think we must ask ourselves various questions such as, I am at ease with myself? can I live with my actions once I go home and I’m alone? what aftermath am I causing?

I believe in treading through this world gently, leaving my own footprint, making my mark and letting other people make theirs.

IJS 12/07/2014

Time to take a little time out?

As the world opens up to us with the travel opportunities our grandparents or parents could never even dream of, we still neglect what is possibly the greatest journey of our lives. That journey of self discovery and self awareness.

That terrifying journey to look into our souls, to understand what drives us, what makes us who we are, to understand our needs and wants and explore those dark places where all our fears and insecurities lie.

Reflection seems something we do not dedicate enough time to, we live in a world so full of instant distractions that we are easily able to avoid looking into us. I sit and look around the apartment I live in, I can see a thousand things I’d rather be doing than even typing this blog now. There is a TV, a games console, a book, a laptop. All very modern day distractions but what joy do they in fact bring us.

I can remember for many years I always felt the need to be the alpha male at any table I sat at and would compete for attention with anyone there. I had an epiphany a few years later, that I really didn’t enjoy that at all and I was much more comfortable sitting back and letting others fulfil this role. Did I enjoy the attention at the time, probably, but you then start to question why? Everyone likes to be loved in life that much seems true but the realisation came to me that, that wasn’t the only way.

It seems to me the more we look into ourselves the more we understand what makes us truly happy, what we truly need in our lives and although the road there can be an arduous and horrendous there seems to be a bright light at the other side. A light that guides us into our future, but a brighter future than we could ever have experienced before.

So the question becomes what do I enjoy it life? What truly makes me happy? Why do I act the way I do in certain situations? They are not easy questions and I could easily give very superficial answers to all of them and I probably do day in and day out to people who ask me.

Let’s just deal with one of those here, what truly makes me happy?

The answer is living in the moment, enjoying the moments when they arise, the times that you smile at someone and see their face light up and smile back that connection even if its just for 5 seconds, that feeling of achievement when there has been a struggle involved to get there, my cycle to work along the Yarra as the morning sun glints off the water, that amazing feeling of togetherness in a crowded stadium as your team edges out a close game and them moments when i’m alone and I feel completely content with everything in the world around me.

Life is one big collection of these moments, our memories don’t play back our whole lives, they just catch snippets of our memorable times, whether these be good or bad.

Maybe we should take a little time out to reflect on ourselves?

IJS 04/07/2014

Making time for what is important

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least” (Johann Wolfgang van Goethe)

I have a mantra in life. That is we make times for the things are important to us. I too much hear people say how they haven’t got time for people and tasks they enjoy, and my response is always the same. Our lives are about priorities and we make time for things that we enjoy that is the nature of the beast. If we don’t make time for things that we enjoy and make us happy well we should change our priorities.

Time is our most valuable and finite resource, who we give it to is our greatest gift.

This reminds me of my father, when I was young he used to work massive amounts of overtime to ensure his family lived the best life they possibly good. We always had holidays, we always had presents at birthdays and Christmas and we always had basically whatever we wanted. Whether this lead to two very spoilt kids is a question for another day.

However one of the most memorable moments of my life that is stuck in my head is the time just before I was due to emigrate to Australia. I remember I sat in a pub with my father and mother, and my dad said to me, I wish I’d spent more time with you when you growing up, I missed so much of your childhood because I was always working. That was and still is quite an emotional moment for me and a great driver in my life to not repeat that mistake with the people who are close to me.

I suppose you prioritise on what makes you happy in life but also need to be mindful of what will make you happy in the future. In the short term we all think going to certain events or heading out on rainy evenings is painful, but I think there is a much longer game to be played there. Although the thought of these things maybe painful, in my experience once I’m there I enjoy them and these events maybe ways to cement friendships or build relationships with people I’ve never met.

The point is sometimes our thinking is so short term and I guess humans are programmed to think that way. The great economist John Maynard Keynes famously said “In the long run we’re all dead”. But do we really know what damage we’re doing with our short term focus?

Don’t get me wrong, I agree we should live every day as though it is our last and after my incredibly lucky escape on a Victorian road nearly 14 years ago, where a brake adjuster pierced the windscreen of a car I was in and missed me by inches, my whole outlook on life changed and I still to this day wake up every morning with an optimistic outlook to my day ahead knowing there was a chance I may not even be here.

I see beauty I would never have seen before that event. It really is everywhere I look I just need to open my eyes to it. The sunrise, the sunset, people laughing, friends, scenery, the food I love, beer, a shop I’ve never been to before, creating something from nothing, a chance encounter with a stranger or achieving things I didn’t think were possible.

But I don’t necessarily think they are conflicting ideals. The live everyday like your last mantra can be balanced by considering the legacy you want to leave.

We should all be concerned about our legacy, because it comes from the way we live our lives. What do I want my legacy to be? I want it to be about positiveness, integrity, being happy with the actions I’ve taken over my life, not repeating mistakes, kindness, not walking on people, not letting people down and doing what I think is right.

All of that is a lifetime’s work though and something I need to continue to build on.

IJS 24/06/2014

The Quiet Mind

I have a sonnet on my desk at both work and at home. It is a reminder in the turbulent times about what’s important and how we should walk peacefully through this world appreciating what we have.

The story of how I found the sonnet is that I was an avid watcher of The Tudors, the dramatization of Henry VIII’s life. In one of the episodes the Earl of Surrey, Henry Howard is translating a sonnet to English. The first few lines are read and they really resonated with me. After the programme I searched for the sonnet and found the whole version which is an incredible piece. Only four verses long, but the rhyming and the rhythm of the whole piece just creates such a flow whilst delivering such an important message.

To me it’s about walking through this world contented leaving my own footprint whilst being happy with the actions I’ve taken and how I’ve gained what I have. The great thing about words though is they mean so many things to different people.

As I read, I feel the peace the sonnet talks about. It sort of puts things in perspective for me. Its incredible to think a bit of poetry from the 1500s is still as relevant today as it was then.

On to the sonnet itself, I hope you enjoy:

My friend, the things that do attain
The happy life be these, I find:
The riches left, not got with pain;
The fruitful ground; the quiet mind;

The equal friend; no grudge; no strife;
No charge of rule, nor governance;
Without disease, the healthy life;
The household of continuance;

The mean diet, no dainty fare;
Wisdom joined with simpleness;
The night discharged of all care,
Where wine the wit may not oppress:

The faithful wife, without debate;
Such sleeps as may beguile the night;
Content thyself with thine estate,
Neither wish death, nor fear his might.

IJS 17/06/2014